August 2006 Archives

Stay gold...

This conversation took place between a fellow employee and Staples customer service. Read on and enjoy.

STAPLES: "Hello, Mr. C, this is Staples calling. We're sorry, but your order placed on 8/10 has been delayed one business day. Do you accept the delay or do you want to cancel the order?"
B: "um, OK... when will it be delivered?"
STAPLES: "It will be delivered on 8/11"
B: "No, when WILL it be delivered"
STAPLES: "8/11"
B: "No, that was four days ago"
STAPLES: "Yes"
B: "Yeah, so when are you GOING to deliver it?"
STAPLES: "8/11"
B: "No, I don't think you understand. 8/11 was last Friday"
STAPLES: "Yes"
B: "Um.. OK... How about tomorrow? Can you deliver it tomorrow?"
STAPLES: "Yes"

This morning I decided I should take a nice swim up the Hudson, up to the boat basin then back down to 30th and strait to work only to find out someone saw a manatee swimming in the river. So I can no longer swim in the Hudson River. Jesus Christ, cant a guy swim in peace without someone thinking I’m a goddamned Manatee? Oh sure make fun of the fat guy, it’s fun to make fun of the fat guy. Bastards, every single one of you. Oh yeah I’m sure you wanna see me split my head open like piggy. gaaaaaaa

Dear Lounge,

Me again. This time my marriage is on the rocks and you're probably the only person who can help... thats not true... but I'm writing this anyway.

My wife says that the correct spelling for Aluminium is actually Aluminum. She has the gall to also pronounce it this way and refuses to see the error of her ways.

She needs to get with the program, even the explanation in Wikipedia clearly in my favor will not sway her.

I've tried talking sense to her, but what can I saw. She acted the same way when I told her about the Monkeys and how other people wrote their songs.

Damn monkeys.

Talk sense. Settle this once and for all.

Michael